Thursday, 13 June 2013

Martin the Map

Martin may be obsessed.  He needs to have a map to look at, at all times!!

Whatever he is doing he needs a map to do it.      He needs a map to check the sat nav is working properly and not taking him in the wrong direction.  He needs a mapping sat nav program on his Ipad so the nice lady who tells you which way to go can confirm the main car sat nav is not misleading him.

He needs several maps to compare routes and avoid motorways and toll roads, determined to use the smallest single track route in existence.

He will pick routes that minimise tolls, but he doesn’t take into account the extra driving he is imposing on the driver or the extra petrol he is using.

If he sees a map on a notice board he must stop and photograph it for the records, the same with maps in shops, he spends hours browsing and buying maps to prove where he has been.    Duplicate maps are more than welcome, as are multiple Ipad mapping programs.   When they contradict each other he simply picks a new destination.

First thing he does in a day is pick up his maps, he carries them everywhere.     He studies them at every waking moment and has even taken to calling out directions in an attempt to confuse the main car sat nav unit, and the driver.  It’s especially confusing when we are not in the car, passers- by are left wondering about his sanity.

He uses the ipad map program to select destinations.   He will only select destinations that are on his mapping program, presumably sponsored links. 

Need a restaurant, most people would consult a good food guide, Martin consults a map.   He will zoom in on an area in order to select a restaurant.  If it’s not on the map he won’t go there in case he gets lost.    Doesn’t matter what it’s like as long as it’s on his map.   If you pick a different one he will direct you to one of his choosing anyway.  Bound to be good, it’s on my map!

Martin also gets confused.  If he uses his Ipad mapping program in the morning he will invariably use a paper map or two in the afternoon, or visa versa.   Since Martin cannot compute on a paper map at the same super speed of the Ipad, he will tend to compute completely different routes.  Of course when the driver sticks to the original plan all hell breaks loose.

No route is good enough unless its Martin’s latest route, and as long it is confirmed by at least three iPad programs and two paper maps.

Now, take the third turning on the left….