Monday, 23 November 2009

Storm and other damage

There had been a storm, the worst on record and so I was summoned to make repairs to my villa in Spain.

Underneath had been flooded and the locals had mopped up and then put up the shutters and left the damp to do its worst. I guess its easy with hindsight to learn that we should have dried it out and then shut it up, but the result was mold and stripped paintwork on most walls. Its still damp now, penetrating, rising, falling, dripping, you name it, its very wet! They dont do damp proof courses in Spain, it never rains!

More damp upstairs, but this time I could paint over it with a degree of impunity, with more permanent repairs then postponed until January's painting party.

So what else went wrong, well, the shower rails fell off the wall, rusty screws. The toilet roll holder likewise. The toilet flush started leaking, and then once repaired started overflowing, and then when repaired started leaking again but in a different place.

The washing machine had taken a terminal hit during the storm from a lightning strike spike, so that had to be replaced.

Its amazing to think that one can get an engineer to diagnose the fault, chuck the machine and get a new one installed in 24 hours in a country where manyana normally prevails above all...

So what else, well the garden had taken a hit, but it was mostly leaves and branches to be taken to the recycler.

The DVD player had taken some abuse from a guest and was making a loud and seemingly terminal rattling noise when it should have been seeking the outer track list... After that it did work though...

And, someone had decided to take a light fitting apart downstairs. Dont ask,I havn't a clue why they would want to, but clearly putting it back together had defeated them.

Anyway the weather was cheerfully warm at 25 degrees apart from the day i tried out the new washing machine and had washing to dry, then it rained...

I tried fishing but that didnt really work either, I didn't catch anything worthy whilst others on the bank were hauling out tens of kilos of carp.

Oh and then I came back to England and guess what, there had been storms here and I have more storm damage!

Anyone want to swap luck?

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Dead Fish

I had a dead Koi in my pond today.

There didnt seem much wrong with it apart from it wasnt breathing, oh and not moving, well except for when I shook it....

It didnt talk much either for that matter, but then Koi don't... especially dead ones. I asked it what was wrong with it but it didnt answer.

There was no sign of any of the other fish so I couldnt very well ask them either.

I took a guess and assumed the lack of water might be a problem so I've filled up the pond again. I've even added some random medication, you know the sort that says it cures all but never does.

So my conscience is now clear and I can depart for a weeks chill out in the sun safe and in the certain knowledge that......There was a dead fish in the pond...


Thursday, 5 November 2009

Transdimensional Portals et al

Have you ever come across this sceanario, I'm sure everyone has.

Imagine you are doing something, doesnt matter what, jigsaw puzzle, sewing, making a model and you suddenly drop one of the pieces. That's it then you search everywhere but it cannot be found.

Or, the car keys are not where you left them, and nor are they anywhere in the house..

Its the transdimensional portal that snatches them.

The occupants of the parallel universe teleport items they do not have there, then they clone them, and then return them.

The trouble is that the teleporter system often gets its coordinates wrong and things land in the wrong place.

This explains why you can search for your car keys and eventually find them in a place where you definitely didn't leave them. Or never ever find the missing jigsaw puzzle piece.

There must be transdimensional conduit between someone else's office and mine. Its the only explanation why a number of items I've dropped recently have vanished completely.

Oh and there is also a temporal rift into which contact lenses, springs and other small parts disappear into for their entire lifetime, only to reappear the exact moment that you source a new one.

What a strange world...