Thursday, 13 June 2013

Martin the Map

Martin may be obsessed.  He needs to have a map to look at, at all times!!

Whatever he is doing he needs a map to do it.      He needs a map to check the sat nav is working properly and not taking him in the wrong direction.  He needs a mapping sat nav program on his Ipad so the nice lady who tells you which way to go can confirm the main car sat nav is not misleading him.

He needs several maps to compare routes and avoid motorways and toll roads, determined to use the smallest single track route in existence.

He will pick routes that minimise tolls, but he doesn’t take into account the extra driving he is imposing on the driver or the extra petrol he is using.

If he sees a map on a notice board he must stop and photograph it for the records, the same with maps in shops, he spends hours browsing and buying maps to prove where he has been.    Duplicate maps are more than welcome, as are multiple Ipad mapping programs.   When they contradict each other he simply picks a new destination.

First thing he does in a day is pick up his maps, he carries them everywhere.     He studies them at every waking moment and has even taken to calling out directions in an attempt to confuse the main car sat nav unit, and the driver.  It’s especially confusing when we are not in the car, passers- by are left wondering about his sanity.

He uses the ipad map program to select destinations.   He will only select destinations that are on his mapping program, presumably sponsored links. 

Need a restaurant, most people would consult a good food guide, Martin consults a map.   He will zoom in on an area in order to select a restaurant.  If it’s not on the map he won’t go there in case he gets lost.    Doesn’t matter what it’s like as long as it’s on his map.   If you pick a different one he will direct you to one of his choosing anyway.  Bound to be good, it’s on my map!

Martin also gets confused.  If he uses his Ipad mapping program in the morning he will invariably use a paper map or two in the afternoon, or visa versa.   Since Martin cannot compute on a paper map at the same super speed of the Ipad, he will tend to compute completely different routes.  Of course when the driver sticks to the original plan all hell breaks loose.

No route is good enough unless its Martin’s latest route, and as long it is confirmed by at least three iPad programs and two paper maps.

Now, take the third turning on the left….

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

The new Album - archived

Have completed as much as I intend to.  A pilot 2 disc set was created for public opinion.  One electric, one acoustic.  A mix of covers and my own compositions.

There is some good stuff on it however as a project it isnt a success.  The acoustic stuff is all too similar, a lack of variety, and my time in Spain spent on nylon guitar has slightly changed my playing style mid project.

Quite frankly i cant be bothered to correct the numerous errors and record enough variety to make it viable, so it is now consigned to the archives.

I wrote some new stuff while in Spain, so I will start all over with that in the new year and see where it takes itself, but I am also somewhat inclined towards a return to my prog roots.

So seasons greetings, I hope the New year is a happier one then this one has been, and that it brings everything that you ever hoped for.

Friday, 1 June 2012

Am I back or just visiting

Been all over the place, causing chaos. There were revolutions in Egypt and Tunisa after i put ideas in their heads while visiting, an earthquake in Mexico and Spain, the president died while i was in Prague(but they didnt catch me)

They also bombed Jema El Fna while I was in Marrakech, but they missed me by a couple of hours, bad timing. So having run out of places to destroy, done the gardening and made a cup of tea, it seems appropriate to return here and post an update.

My last studio CD was quite a success, it sold six copies, and I earned a copious fortune, some $2.25 from downloads, except that I cant collect until its over $25. A lot of people liked it and had free copies though, so I will have to stop doing that..

Working on a new one now, a different angle, I want the new one to be mostly acoustic, its not easy to convert heavy metal to acoustic, but actually I dont write heavy metal, which is why I am trying this conversion.

Led Zepplin doesnt quite sound the same on a piano and the same is happening to me. I get a lot of nice songs though, BUT they all sound similar when put together as a collection, so its a work in progress.

The weather has been horrid and the ark is almost completed. Unfortunately we have a water shortage despite the 38 days and nights of rain and so I havent been able to deep water test the old girl yet.

Stocking with animals has also fallen foul of the local RSPCA, who seem to think that cramped conditions are not in the poor animals best interests. Obviously drowning is.

It is now day 39, and so far today there has been no rain, this better not have been a false alarm!

I decided some while ago that I dont do ironing, a huge pile of washed and dried clothes has since developed in the laundry room, and all of my wardrobes and drawers are now empty.

This will help when i downsize my house, i will not need anything like as much furniture.

The only minor setback is the lack of invitations out. I suspect as I now look like Ive been dragged through a hedge backwards, run over by a tractor and left to fester that people just prefer other company.

Even people who issued beer invites and the like fled into the distance and wont return emails. Its odd being retired....

There are two beer festivals on monday, bring them on!

Bugger the suns just come out!

Saturday, 13 August 2011

More about Mary

Today is her grandsons christening. Will her ex husband be there... no, he is not permitted.

His daughter wants him to be there but Mary doesn't want him there. So she took over the organisation and instructed the larger and more aggressive members of her family to issue threats against the ex about what they would do to him if he had the audacity to show his face. He couldn't just wave an invitation in their face as he didn't receive one.

And all this from a supposedly catholic family. I expect they will just confess and get forgiven while they are still at the church, so by the time they start partying they will have a clean conscience again.

I don't suppose they even care how much damage to other people's feelings they have done, or perhaps it was deliberate....

Perhaps Mary is running out of money again and is not so nice anymore.

In any event, its a disgraceful way to treat the poor lads grandfather and they should ALL be ashamed of themselves.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Mary - the one person credit crisis.

Mary was a really nice person until the money supply dried up, then without her husbands knowledge she took out loans and maxed out credit cards. Once this all came to light she fled and left her husband to bring up the children.

Determined not to let this interfere with her lifestyle, she then embarked on a spending spree to end all spending sprees, and once there was no more credit available, she decided to divorce her husband and take him to the financial cleaners for yet a further supply.

And so that brings us up to date.

I suspect Mary is currently a nice person again, but beware.

Monday, 8 August 2011

Bradwell Marina

A cautionary tale for anyone thinking of using the facilities at Bradwell Marina.

The standard berthing contact contains two boxes into which two dates are written. These by implication are the start date and end date of the mooring contract, I say by implication because there is no text on the boxes to indicate their actual purpose.

One may reasonably assume that these dates represent a period of "cover" as would be the case if this were an annual insurance policy. One may further assume this is the case because shortly before the "expiry" date the accounts office will write to you and offer you a "renewal".

When you no longer wish to moor your boat, part way through the period covered you will however discover, that Bradwell interpret their contract differently. They claim that this contract is a "term contract", although nowhere on the contract itself does it say this.

They then go on to claim that the customer is not permitted to cancel, despite there being a termination clause, and notice period in the terms and conditions. They then rely on the unmarked date boxes to exclude their own conditions.

The subtle distinction of course is that terminating early will not result in any refund of fees paid because they refuse to allow any early termination.

I am advised by my solicitor that their contract is in fact deficient and it can in fact be argued that it is actually a rolling contract. In favour of this arguament is that fact that renewal is offered automatically, nowhere on the contract does it say that it is a term contract, and the purpose of the date boxes is not clearly marked. However it costs money to test this theory through the courts, unfortunately more than the refund I am due.

Arguing with the people at Bradwell directly is not possible because they refuse to enter into any sensible debate, they simply send a standard letter stating their position, and then repeat this position ad infinitum, completely ignoring any points you may bring up.

Fortunately there are cheaper moorings available at Brightlingsea, West Mersea, Burnham on Crouch, Heybridge and Maylandsea, amongst others. Burnham also has better facilities, an on site chandlery and the people there do not treat you with contempt.

But if you really must use Bradwell, I recommend that you pay monthly, so that terminating does not leave you out of pocket. You can simply stop the payments and let them try and chase you, boot on other foot so to speak.

You have been warned...

Friday, 1 October 2010

OKAY - SO? - It's been a while

It's been a while since I sat here. I've been in the studio recording some new material.

Nasty difficult things studios, have to keep chasing duff notes out of guitar solos and modifying my voice so that you cant tell that I cant sing one jot. Well the latter never hides the fact anyway, but I'm past caring...

I set off with the idea for eight or nine songs, and end up with three recorded, the rest have fled into the heavens to escape being captured on tape...

So, its back to the writing book, as I need just a few more tracks before a CD will see the light of day again. Never mind, it passed the time...

Meanwhile back in reality the house remains a tip while I re-decorate, but the task is nearly finished, there are just two rooms left to do. My study was last week. I am now in a clutter free zone with far more space.

I can stretch out to type this and the carpet smells of carpet again.

It used to smell of prawns after an "attack" by a certain teenager while I was away on holiday once. Amazing what they get up to. My electric drill that he had borrowed, but had never seen, amazingly re-appeared, after being missing for two years, when he moved out as did my missing tools from under his bed.

The smell of sweat and vomit disappeared after a new paint job in the room, but the prawn smell prevailed. It survived him leaving to act as a reminder to think twenty seven times before having kids.... Finally he's gone!

And in a week or so the house will be a clutter free zone as well. Just in time in fact for me to move in more clutter from my late mums house. Is this a vicious circle or will it all be alright on the night?