Casa Luis' Restaurent, Guardamar, Spain

Casa Luis is a restaurent that is run by a mad spaniard. He speaks no English, is half blind, but he loves making out he is the "perfect host". Faulty Towers has nothing on this place.

There is also usually a Mrs Luis who runs the place.

The place is full of antiques, they hang everywhere. Piles of pre war radios, strange implements and canisters of all shapes and sizes. Wines from all over the world, lie in dust in spaces around the walls. Its sort of like an old farm/pub but nothing like that at all. There is hardly room for the few tables that manage to sit inside. There are faded pictures of Luis with various celebreties dating back years, everywhere.

I thought Luis would probably be dead by now. I have no idea why.

There is a sign in the window that indicates all is not well, the place is up for sale or something, we fail to translate it correctly. My friend still wants to risk it.

The bar was in darkness, no lights in the kitchen, just Luis behind the bar and one other bloke. We walk in.

This year there was no Mrs Luis, just Luis, looking not a day older than last time we met. He shakes my hand profusely and makes lots of noises in Spanish, some of which I translate into greetings.

Luis makes a fuss of us in Spanish and wants to know what we will drink, before we can choose two beers arrive. Cloudy fizzy beer. It actually tastes ok so we determine it must be German wheat beer. I ask if they are open for food, Si, Si, Si, says Luis... Luis gets menus.

We sit down. No waiter, so in the end I go to bar to order. I order by numbers as Luis cant see the menu properly! I ask who is chef tonight, Luis points at this bloke in the corner who I thought was a customer! I'm sure he is a customer...!!!

The customer goes to kitchen and puts the lights on, he doesnt take our order with him. He stands in the kitchen looking out of place. He was. The "Chef" stares at the appliances in turn, he hasnt a clue!

I ask where is Mrs Luis, Senora Luis?. Luis points at the telephone. I says "is she alright". Si, Si, Si Senor says Luis. I sit down again. Luis says "Mrs Luis is the other end of the telephone" in Spanish of course....

Ten minutes later our order is still on the bar, Mrs Luis walks in. Kisses for customers is a bit over the top but for some reason she is genuinely happy to see us. She takes our order off the bar strolls to the kitchen and the kitchen springs into life. The "Chef" returns to his beer.

We run out of cloudy beer, I decide against another and order red wine. A bottle of 1997 vintage Rioja El Coto crianza appears. I suspect this is dangerous given I hadn't seen a price list. Luis breaks the cork in half and then somehow manages to extract the remains with a table knife without corking the wine, quite amazing in fact. It tastes great.

I had ordered a Tuna and a salad for main course. The salad arrives first. A very nice salad indeed. We share it.

Next comes "tapas" which we hadnt ordered. Sort of potatoe cakes, also pleasing. Then came Octopus Gallentia, juicy octopus in paprika and a light sauce. Excellent. But we had ordered that as a starter.

Then came my Tuna, (with chips) and other main courses. Oh and some bread and ali oli. We usually get that first!

I run out of that fine wine, and Luis promptly brings 1998 Rioja. Extra Special he says. Well it is still a crianza, but I've never heard of the vineyard. It is actually better than the first bottle. Luis says "on the house"... Restaurent's dont normally donate £50 wines, but I wasnt arguing... The food is all excellent.

Mrs Luis appears with her coat on. More kisses for customers and profuse thank you's and off she goes into the night leaving Luis in charge again. She was "honoured" that we had requested her to do our meal. I hadnt really! Clearly Luis thought I had though...so that was okay...accidentaly!

Luis makes the point that he is back in charge by bringing strange looking glasses full of black stuff. Its chocolatey? Caramel? dammed strong anyway and thick like treacle...We have coffees to neutralise it. We have more treacle to neutralise the coffee. I am getting seriously over the limit...

I dare to ask for the bill. Its a very reasonable 75 Euros, and that lovely wine had been 24 Euros. For what we had just consumed it was a complete bargain.

Luis' is a mad restaurent. For what it can deliver, it deserves to survive forever, but worryingly it was empty, and when reserve summer chef is working the food can be terrible. Mrs Luis however makes the place what it is, perfection and a great night out.

You take a chance when you walk in, but it can be the experience that makes your week....or not...